Couple Boredom Happens When Carelessness Starts
Sure you can say that you have been sucked into the everyday routine of life. You can even say that you feel like you are trapped in the movie "Groundhog Day". If you say any of those things it's because you forgot that you were a couple. Yes, I said you forgot. I have heard a few people say recently that they are bored in their relationship.
First, grow the hell up. Life is not thrilling everyday. Just in case you thought it would be, let me tell you it's not. My mother, God rest her soul, use to say all the time, 'You're an adult a whole lot longer than you are a child.'
Second, what exactly were you expecting? Are you putting in the effort to make the day better?
You wouldn't be careless with your house keys.
Don't be careless with your relationship.
Here are a few suggestions:
- Make a topic list for conversations you'd like to have. Break the list into two categories: topics you find easy to talk about and topics you find hard to talk about. Have your spouse do the same. When you're done, compare lists and see where the conversation goes.
- Create a list of things you genuinely appreciate and love about your partner. In the morning when you wake up, spend a few moments thinking about a few of these things. Focus on how it makes you feel good. Over time this daily practice of being grateful for your partner will cause you to treat them in a more loving way.
- I have had someone close person to me tell me that before his dad got home from work, his mother always made sure she had on makeup and her hair in place. I think it is so important to let your spouse be proud of your appearance. And it lets them know that you want to look good for him or her, as well. That's true of the guys as well. Guys she is so tired of seeing you slumped over the video controller with your hat tilted to the side. The same way you want her to think about the way she looks, you should be thinking about it too. Which brings me to my next point.
- Disconnect from everything electronic! This doesn't just mean silencing your phone, but also turning off the reality TV, social media, and disconnecting from other people outside of your marriage. Don't bring you phone to bed. Yes, I said it. Having it face down near you shows a level of disrespect. It also plants seeds of distrust. Who's call, text or DM are you waiting on? What are you hiding? Give your significant other all your attention. You will be amazed at how you grow.
- How often do we love someone, lust for someone, but we don't like them? Respect, not love, is the foundation of great relationships and we show respect with our actions. It may start with expensive wines and roses, but it matures over time into something more beautiful. Lust is not real. No worries, I have a post coming soon all about how lust has gotten one or two of my friends in trouble. Relationships need time to foster. It's like garden that needs tending to.
- Nothing says I love you like really listening when your partner talks. This means putting down your devices, turning off the TV, making eye contact and asking questions. They'll feel loved and as a bonus you'll actually remember what they said and avoid future arguments.
- Do little things, consistently, that keep their spouse interested. It could be as small as wearing that piece of clothing you know turns your spouse loves on you. Don't relax, keep doing those little things you did in the beginning and look for ways to keep the physical attraction alive and well. Don't be the Interview person in your relationship. Don't know what that is? See my last post: THE INTERVIEW GUY STEP ASIDE AND PRACTICE HONESTY
- Sloppiness is the breeding ground for death of romance. There is a fine line between being comfortable with each other and sheer laziness. The former increases intimacy and romance, the latter diminishes it.
- Know the truth that even though the initial romance has passed, you are on your way to the best part of love — and that is the real of it. The love will deepen through everyday life and your bond will get stronger. Don't feel you need the initial 'drug-induced love illusions' of early romance all the time and instead fall into the reality of love as the best part.
- Also remember to keep romance alive you need to have a healthy amount of distance. Each person needs his and her own space and interests. It allows you to share your new findings and discoveries with each other.
The happiest relationships I know have kept this at the forefront.
You wouldn't be careless with your house keys.
Don't be careless with your relationship.
Here are a few suggestions:
- Make a topic list for conversations you'd like to have. Break the list into two categories: topics you find easy to talk about and topics you find hard to talk about. Have your spouse do the same. When you're done, compare lists and see where the conversation goes.
- Create a list of things you genuinely appreciate and love about your partner. In the morning when you wake up, spend a few moments thinking about a few of these things. Focus on how it makes you feel good. Over time this daily practice of being grateful for your partner will cause you to treat them in a more loving way.
- I have had someone close person to me tell me that before his dad got home from work, his mother always made sure she had on makeup and her hair in place. I think it is so important to let your spouse be proud of your appearance. And it lets them know that you want to look good for him or her, as well. That's true of the guys as well. Guys she is so tired of seeing you slumped over the video controller with your hat tilted to the side. The same way you want her to think about the way she looks, you should be thinking about it too. Which brings me to my next point.
- Disconnect from everything electronic! This doesn't just mean silencing your phone, but also turning off the reality TV, social media, and disconnecting from other people outside of your marriage. Don't bring you phone to bed. Yes, I said it. Having it face down near you shows a level of disrespect. It also plants seeds of distrust. Who's call, text or DM are you waiting on? What are you hiding? Give your significant other all your attention. You will be amazed at how you grow.
- How often do we love someone, lust for someone, but we don't like them? Respect, not love, is the foundation of great relationships and we show respect with our actions. It may start with expensive wines and roses, but it matures over time into something more beautiful. Lust is not real. No worries, I have a post coming soon all about how lust has gotten one or two of my friends in trouble. Relationships need time to foster. It's like garden that needs tending to.
- Nothing says I love you like really listening when your partner talks. This means putting down your devices, turning off the TV, making eye contact and asking questions. They'll feel loved and as a bonus you'll actually remember what they said and avoid future arguments.
- Do little things, consistently, that keep their spouse interested. It could be as small as wearing that piece of clothing you know turns your spouse loves on you. Don't relax, keep doing those little things you did in the beginning and look for ways to keep the physical attraction alive and well. Don't be the Interview person in your relationship. Don't know what that is? See my last post: THE INTERVIEW GUY STEP ASIDE AND PRACTICE HONESTY
- Sloppiness is the breeding ground for death of romance. There is a fine line between being comfortable with each other and sheer laziness. The former increases intimacy and romance, the latter diminishes it.
- Know the truth that even though the initial romance has passed, you are on your way to the best part of love — and that is the real of it. The love will deepen through everyday life and your bond will get stronger. Don't feel you need the initial 'drug-induced love illusions' of early romance all the time and instead fall into the reality of love as the best part.
- Also remember to keep romance alive you need to have a healthy amount of distance. Each person needs his and her own space and interests. It allows you to share your new findings and discoveries with each other.
The happiest relationships I know have kept this at the forefront.
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